How my secret got out...

It may sound silly but I never quite know, day to day, where my mind will take me... There's always a million thoughts at once! But today? I almost feel level headed. I'm sleepy so my brain is a bit calmer I suppose?! It seems I can never sleep anymore. But I'll take this as a blessing in disguise today. Recently I've just been obsessing about bpd. I barely knew it existed a month ago, and it's almost funny what lead me here. I've always kinda attracted 'crazy' people, be it a friendship or more, it's as though they're drawn to me. My current boyfriend is pretty manic himself. During one of our fights he ate a ton of amitriptyline and needless to say wound up in the ward. That's when the mention of bpd came about. He showed symptoms they said. I simply shrugged it off, as they put him on antidepressants and sent him on his way. It was actually the miracle of prozac that got me thinking happiness was obtainable. One magic pill that makes everything better? I was sold! I already self medicate with cannibus but it's been too short lived as of late... Or my episodes have become longer and more frequent?! I decided to ask my best friend, who should truly have a degree in psychology after all her issues, if prozac would help me... She said I should check out dbt! I tried to look into it but all I could find was the word BORDERLINE! And that? My goodness... It was like reading a medical excerpt of my diary! It was a comfort at first, being able to put a name to it. If there's something actually wrong with me that means I can fix it right?! But the more I read the sadder I got. People HATE bpds! There are support sites for leaving them or for the 'abuse' they bestow. Am I really an abuser? It certainly paralleled my life... Almost as though my entire existance was written out before I lived it! From my childhood to my personality, my relationships. EVERYTHING! And now I'm not sure where borderline ends an I begin...